Crybaby

Looking back on my physical state prior to getting diagnosed, I can see the symptoms. I didn’t understand them at the time, but they make sense now.

I’m a born and raised Floridian, but in 2018, we moved to the Great Lakes area to be closer to my husband’s side of the family.

I was going thru menopause. A lot of changes in my weight and vitality happened during this time, and I blamed them all on menopause. I did discuss some of these with doctors, who also connected them to menopause.

2018 was the first real winter I’d ever been through, and I did my best to adjust to the cold, darkness, and isolation that this particular cross-country move entailed.

I was exhausted from the move, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Upset with myself, upset with my husband for bringing me here, and ashamed that I had left my grandmother, who lived in our neighborhood back in Tampa, and was in her 90s. Sure, my parents and sister were there to help her… but I had gone and taken my kids, who were a source of joy and happiness for her. I couldn’t think about what I had done. It was crushing.

Food was my consolation. I gained weight, for the first time in my life.

I look back on that first winter as a true hibernation. We would get up and drink coffee on the couch, let the dog out in the backyard rather than take him for a walk, then go to work, which for me was 20 steps from the couch, in a different room.

By the time work was done, it was dark and blustery outside, and again we would skimp on the outdoor time with the dog, eat a meal and then jump on the couch for TV time, throw blankets, and our semi-hibernation.

I’ve come a long way.